Terrorists Like Aisle Seats

"Oh mon, I and I tink me should have paid with credit card!"




By now I'm sure you have all heard about a previously secret government program that screens passengers based on such things as meal preference, seating preference, method of payment, previous one-way travel, and previous destinations amongst other things. Passengers receive a score and are not allowed to either see or challenge that score.

At least now I know why I get twenty questions every time I come to the states. My Czech wife actually gets through faster than I do. I've traveled to Arab countries and Russia, I prefer the aisle (because I like to get up a lot and because I have long legs), and I have paid cash plenty of times since I have bought tickets in the Czech Republic when I didn't have more than $20 in my account (but plenty of Czech Koruna), and my first two times traveling to Europe I traveled one way (There is a Belgian company that offered cheap one-ways). Unwittingly, I have probably racked up a pretty decent score. Also, being a resident of a foreign country with no obvious financial benefit probably doesn't help (no one likes a defector). Hey, at least I'm not a vegetarian!

So now I am just waiting for the day when I get to the front gate of my home country and I am turned back because I pose too great a risk. If they have put two and two together (which I'm assuming they have) and they know who writes this blog, that probably will add a couple points to my nearly perfect score. Sooner or later I will be banished to Europe forever. If not, well then the screening system doesn't make much sense. That is to say, if they don't banish me with my astronomical score, what is the point of the system? So I imagine it is just a matter of time before I make my last trip home.

I'm torn as to how I feel about this. On the one hand, who wants to go to a country that would banish one of their citizens for such innocuous behavior as sitting in the aisle? On the other hand, I sure do like to see my Mom at least once every couple of years (and my Dad, and my Sister, and yes, you too Uncle Jeff... damn, I just gave them another clue!)

Of course, only 25% of Americans have a passport so I don't suppose there will be much public outcry over expatriates being banished or international travelers being scrutinized. I've found people like me don't represent much of a voting block.

Once again the authorities are enganging in activities that do little to prevent terrorism, but do plenty to invade our privacy and subject us to Kafka-like jurisprudence.

This is the freedom our ancestors died for?

I prefer the local brand.